It's taken a bit of time to be ready to reflect on last year and think about the year ahead. A week visiting with Mum and doing very little- the odd walk, catching up with family and reading few books all helped.
Once again (like this reflection from 12 months ago) I originally thought there might not be a lot to reflect on and then I realised that 2016 had been full of change- and the grief and loss that often accompanies this. And that there was heaps to reflect on.
After beginning the new year in Perth, I returned to New Zealand and drove down the North Island travelling over to the South and driving onto Christchurch to take up my new position there.
Less than two weeks into the new job the phone call that dad had been hospitalised and things weren't looking good came. He hung in there long enough for all of us to get to Tauranga and passed away on the evening of February 5 with Mum and his five kids all present. A week of family and funeral organisation followed with a beautiful farewell in the middle of the next week.
Dad had been sick for a while and had given us scares before, so it was not totally unexpected. However his death has taught us all a lot- about grief and loss and about how personal it is and how we've all dealt (or not dealt at times) with it in our own ways. And about how it still hits at the most unexpected moments still nearly 12 months on.
That grief and loss mixed in the first half of the year with the loss and grief of moving and starting over once again. Saying goodbye to those close friends you make in an isolated community was really hard and I ended up feeling even more isolated even though I was in the middle of a city. I've moved a lot in my adult life I think this was the 10th new place I'd moved to in the last 30 years so I kind of see it as a normal thing to do and I do it without thinking too much about it. But this time it was really hard. I missed people, and I missed things, and I missed someone to have a wine and chat with at the end of the day! Gradually it all got a little easier. And now, at the end of the year Christchurch is starting to feel like home. New friendships are beginning to take shape. Old friendships have reconnected.
Christchurch is a city on the place to some remarkable things, but there's still some real rebuilding to be done here after the devastation of the earthquakes. I cannot imagine what it was like 5 years ago. It's very sobering to read about and watch videos of and makes you really appreciate life.
In July Lester and Sanna asked me to go to Hawaii with them and bring their kids back so they could go onto a conference in the States. It was great to get out of the NZ winter for a week and to spend some time with Lester, Sanna, Evan and Lexi. The beaches were great, as was the day we spent at Pearl Harbour.
In October I turned 50. Despite earlier in the year saying it was not a big deal, I gave in and had a bit of a gathering in Wellington at Labour weekend. I felt humbled and honoured at the number of people who came from both near and far to help me celebrate and at all the kind words that were said that night. It was very special.
A couple of potentially significantly health matters were identified in the second half of the year and so I am working toward remedying these as much as possible and that has to be number one goal for 2017.
My #oneword2016 was explore. (See blogpost here.) I've explored a lot. I think my new #oneword2017 is going to be embrace. To just be ready to grab whatever opportunities come along and to envelop myself in them.
To continue to learn- from myself and about myself; from and with others.
I have a friend who really inspires me with their continual ability to bounce back from whatever life hands them and be positive. The same friend sent me a poem a few years back when they knew I was going to have to make a tough farewell speech.
I was walking on the beach this afternoon and remembered the poem and realised that with that poem I was finally ready reflect on and say goodbye to 2016-
To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.
~ Mary Oliver
And as I was walking the words of Joshua Radin were playing through my headphones with the prophetic "It's a Brand New Day. And with those words I'm ready to say hello to 2017.
Some kind of magic
Happens late at night
When the moon smiles down at me
And bathes me in it's light
I fell asleep beneath you
In the tall blades of grass
When I woke the world was new
I never had to ask
It's a brand new day
The sun is shinning
It's a brand new day
For the first time
In such a long long time
I know I'll be OK
Most kind of stories
Save the best part for last
Most stories have a hero who finds
You make your past your past
Ya you make your past your past
It's a brand new day
The sun is shinning
It's a brand new day
For the first time
In such a long long time
I know I'll be OK
